last night, i was browsing journal entries of some people in my close network in multiply, when i read this journal entry by a friend of a new acquaintance of mine. the post contained lyrics to the song "i love you, goodbye" - and i read it out of curiosity. offhand, i knew that i might be opening a pandora's box, but i proceeded nevertheless.
as i read each line, i couldn't help but get teary-eyed, because i suddenly remembered the fateful night when i tried to talk to my then-girlfriend to hopefully patch up our relationship that was shaky at that time (this happened about nine months ago). i remembered how she kept avoiding the topic, and insisted that i just accept her proposition that we call it quits. i remembered how she mentioned the song "i love you, goodbye" as a song that reflected what she was feeling at that very moment. i remembered my futile attempts to make sense of what was unfolding that night.
for the past several weeks, i was feeling okay on the overall, not even thinking of the heartbreak that has been going steady with me for the past nine months. and then i read that journal entry. all of a sudden, the confusion, grief and loneliness were right back in front of me. i realized that i'm still not over her, that my emotional attachment to her was still there. the more i try to fight it, the more i realize how intense the pain is. maybe there's no other way to heal myself except by gradually forgetting and letting go, one day at a time. it looks like i'm going to have to do this the hard way - then so be it. cheers.
