pasko at bagong taon

here's a deviation from my usual one-word titles for blog entries.  yesterday, i emailed our office christmas card to my friends.  i just forgot to compress the files, so i apologize to anyone who had difficulty downloading.  i would just like to share a part of our (unofficial) office blog post written by an officemate for this holiday season to all of you:

"This year we are sharing a question, which personally I think is quite apt amid the turbulent times:

Sa pangkalahatan, masasabi po ba ninyo na ang inyong Pasko ngayong taon ay magiging..? [On the whole, would you say that your Christmas this year will be..?] (Masaya [Happy] code 1, Malungkot [Sad] code 2, Hindi masaya at hindi rin malungkot [Not happy and not sad] code 3)"

if i may be bold, i would like to wish each and every one of you a code 1 Christmas this 2007.  i know that it would be highly improbable for everyone to be happy at the same time, but that's why i'm wishing for it.  if it wasn't difficult, it wouldn't be a wish - it would just be something in a "to do" list.

from the bottom of my heart, may you all have a meaningful Christmas and a New Year filled with hope.

WWE RAW - Y2J Chris Jericho Returns ( November 19, 2007).flv

A re-post, actually - pero downloadable na, in .flv format.

"For those about to rock, Set the clock."

sabi ko na nga ba e, babalik si Y2J - "Break the Walls Down!!!"

anniversary

it's pretty ironic that i have entitled this entry as such. in my 28 years, i have never celebrated an anniversary of a relationship. in fact, i have stumbled twice without even reaching the proverbial 365th day. still, the word 'anniversary' is something that i can relate to, albeit in a quite tragic way.

a year ago today, my girlfriend asked me to let her go. it was very painful for me to do so, because she had been my source of strength and inspiration. she was a person who would lift me up when i was almost down and out. she was probably the only person who would make my day alright even if everything else went wrong. she was the most beautiful lady to me, and i loved her with all my heart. she changed my life the moment that i met her. i know some or most of you would find that corny or even cheesy, but i wouldn't care. it doesn't matter to me. loving her was the best thing that happened to me, but our relationship ended abruptly. some might say it was not meant to be, but i think in reality, she did not want it to be.

during that fateful night, i cried my heart out. yes, even a rough brute like me gets emotional. i couldn't make sense out of  the things that had unfolded. days, weeks and a couple of months passed, my questions fell on deaf ears, and i was continuously ignored like i was some kind of a fool. that hurt me even more. she would send me instant messages at times when she probably had nothing else to do. each and every one of those messages hurt me like hell. it was as if she didn't dump me at all. i remembered that she even told me about her latest prospect - "guess what, may bago akong kina-karir." that was worse than a spit in my face. i felt that she was probably laughing at me behind my back. i felt stupid because i got so affected every time that she made her rare presence felt. a friend of mine advised me to neither pull her towards me nor push her away. another friend told me that i should let her speak about her reasons when she's finally willing to do so. forcing the issue would get me nowhere, and that i would always end up blaming myself. because my questions were left unanswered, there was a time that i felt that it was all my fault. i would burn myself at work in order not to feel the depression, but there were times that i couldn't help but cry - on the way home, while eating dinner, or even before sleeping.

after several months, i decided that i should force myself to forget about her. there was no sense in holding on to someone who kept on ignoring me. i remembered a month after she left, she told me that i was the best guy friend that she ever had, that i didn't leave her when she needed me. i just realized several months later that friends are supposed to be open to each other. friends are supposed to be honest toward one another. friends are supposed to trust each other. i realized that she was treating me like a fool when, on the one hand, she says that i'm her friend, but on the other hand, she couldn't be honest to me. maybe some of you would think that i don't have the right to make her tell me what her reasons were. but i humbly believed, from day one, that i deserve to know what the truth is.

until now, i don't know why she really left. i wish i knew, but i don't. maybe someday i would find answers, and maybe i won't. maybe someday, i wouldn't care at all if i find the answers or not.

let me let you go, for the last time. i will never forget you. i love you. may you always be happy.

a year ago today, i was devastated. now, i am just lonely. today, my life begins - again.

alaala

something totally unexpected happened to me today - my former girlfriend sent me an instant message through yahoo messenger, asking how i was.

at first, i didn't know whether i would ignore her or answer her. i decided to answer her honestly. i told her that i didn't know how to answer her question, that i wanted to think that i was okay, but there are days that i'm not sure (if i'm indeed okay or not).

when she asked why, i simply answered: "alam mo na, kapag may naaalala, nalulungkot."

she replied: "ah...ok. sorry..."

i decided that it was better if i said what was on my mind and my heart right there and then.

i told her that i'll make it short. i requested her not to send me any more messages. i told her that i just burst into tears whenever i think about her or whenever i remember her. i reminded her that she was the one who asked me to let her go. i said maybe it would be better if she didn't treat me as a friend anymore. i told her that there are many things that i could not understand. i told her that i tried asking questions, but i guess i will never find the answers. i told her na hindi ako nagda-drama. i told her: "...please just let me let you go."

i was crying and trembling the whole time that i was writing that.

all she said was: "ah ok. sorry. just want to know if ur ok. tnx. bye."

i said: "it wouldn't matter to you anyway if i was ok or not. goodbye..., i wish you more happiness, more than what i wasn't able to give you. i really loved you. i hope you believe that. pero tapos na e, kaya siguro dapat manatili na lang na ganito."

that was as honest as i could get. it broke my heart to say that to her, but i felt that i needed to say it.

i realized that, almost a year after i got burned by the love of my life, that i'm still not over that fact.

putang-ina, ang sakit pa rin.

The Rock Meets Randy Orton Part 3

The Great One's encounter with the Legend Killer on Monday Night Raw, part 3 of 3 - watch out for the ending...

The Rock Meets Randy Orton Part 2

The Great One's encounter with the Legend Killer on Monday Night Raw, part 2 of 3 - ituloy mo lang...

The Rock Meets Randy Orton Part 1

The Great One's encounter with the Legend Killer on Monday Night Raw, part 1 of 3 - okey 'to, pramis...

Apoy sa Dibdib ng Samar - The Full Trailer from YouTube

ito ang classic example ng isang seryosong linya na matapos i-deliver, matatawa ka pa. pero in hindsight, hebigats ang ibig sabihin ni Mark Lapid rito. ang kumontra, panget.

StarMan (Heel) version 3.0.wmv

Sa wakas, na-upload rin after several failed tries. Some notes about this clip: this was actually made up of several video clips which were then made up of screen snapshots from the Nintendo Entertainment System "Pro Wrestling" video game that was first released in 1986.

The protagonist is StarMan, one of the six playable characters in the game. In a wikipedia article, it is said that StarMan is based on the legendary Mexican wrestler (or luchador) Mil Mascaras (which literally translates to "one thousand masks").

Most of the moves that StarMan executes in this clip are doable in the actual game - the Flying Cross Chop, Somersault/Flip Kick, Spin Kick, Bodyslam, Running High Knee, Belly to Back Suplex, Brainbuster/StarBuster, Plancha and Super Star Press. Moves like the DDT, Scorpion Death Drop, Stunner, Twist of Fate and Ace Crusher/Diamond Cutter were "made up" - you'll notice that there are no referees in these clips.

I decided to portray StarMan as a heel (or the bad guy) in this clip because it suited the mood of the background music (Alice In Chains' dark/brooding song "Man In The Box").

The whole clip was made possible using the FCE Ultra NES/Famicom emulator and the Pro Wrestling game rom. The screen snapshots were edited using ACDSee and MS Paint. StarMan originally has a pink bodysuit and blue trunks in the game, but I decided to edit his gear dahil masagwa namang kontrabida ka tapos naka-pink ka 'di ba? In addition, there are some images of title belts used here, namely: the WWF Stone Cold Smokin' Skull Belt as well as the now-defunct WCW World Television Championship. The StarMan logo is my own design and was made using Microsoft Word and MS Paint applications. The video clips, images, effects and transitions here were consolidated using Windows Movie Maker.

Bakit ko ginawa ito? E kasi mahilig po ako sa pro wrestling - na hindi naman masyadong halata. Enjoy.

akala

last night, i was browsing journal entries of some people in my close network in multiply, when i read this journal entry by a friend of a new acquaintance of mine. the post contained lyrics to the song "i love you, goodbye" - and i read it out of curiosity. offhand, i knew that i might be opening a pandora's box, but i proceeded nevertheless.

as i read each line, i couldn't help but get teary-eyed, because i suddenly remembered the fateful night when i tried to talk to my then-girlfriend to hopefully patch up our relationship that was shaky at that time (this happened about nine months ago). i remembered how she kept avoiding the topic, and insisted that i just accept her proposition that we call it quits. i remembered how she mentioned the song "i love you, goodbye" as a song that reflected what she was feeling at that very moment. i remembered my futile attempts to make sense of what was unfolding that night.

for the past several weeks, i was feeling okay on the overall, not even thinking of the heartbreak that has been going steady with me for the past nine months. and then i read that journal entry. all of a sudden, the confusion, grief and loneliness were right back in front of me. i realized that i'm still not over her, that my emotional attachment to her was still there. the more i try to fight it, the more i realize how intense the pain is. maybe there's no other way to heal myself except by gradually forgetting and letting go, one day at a time. it looks like i'm going to have to do this the hard way - then so be it. cheers.