Wednesday, May 02, 2012

The Madsong of Hesus: 2012


this was a piece that we first performed in 2003, when my best friend and i tagged along with my officemate and his friend for a couple of friday night beers in a newly-opened bar in Quezon City. the in-house band was playing acoustic music - a fad during that time - when my friend showed me a poem that he wrote. i was immediately awed by the imagery and thought of an instrumentation that would be a backdrop if ever he decided to read it onstage somewhere.

we mustered enough guts to ask permission from the band to borrow their acoustic guitar and did an impromptu performance while they were on break. the manager liked it and asked us to audition a few weeks later. we went to audition with another group who had obviously more chops than we did, but somehow we landed a "one night only" gig slot where we played a couple of cover songs because we didn't really have any compositions back then, and we saved this piece for last. as souvenirs of that performance as well as the audition and that fateful friday night, i'd like to thank Mr. Leo Laroza for the pictures that he took. i posted these in my facebook:

alas, we didn't have any recorder back then when we performed this piece. fast forward to 2012 - my best friend came back from Singapore, and we decided to nail this down last Sunday. thanks to my old reliable 5-string RJ Stratocaster and his trusty Fender G-Dec amplifier, we were finally able to record a performance of this.

this is the madsong of hesus.

words by Alexander Agena, Jr.
guitar work by Mic Entoma
2003 photos by Leo Laroza

here's the full text of the poem:

THE MADSONG
OF HESUS

Alexander Agena, Jr.

In the summer of 1999, in Aranque, Manila, a grease-man who goes by the name of Hesus, ran amok, killing a pregnant lady, and wounding several others. Mob of butchers finally caught and killed him with cleavers and ice picks. The total stab wounds were 13, nine of them filled his left chest, forming bloody sinkholes. Inside the coroner’s room hours after his death, a novena booklet with the image of Christ was found, crumpled in his hand.


1.

Rubbish. Flies. Styrofoam. Lies.
Grime leading nowhere fills the esteros.
Not yet with foul meat or bone scraps
Will my stomach be filled. Not yet–my hair
Greased black, an extension of the Pasig river–
With leftover rice from the eatery. (The pregnant owner
Scowled at me in her oily apron. I detested
The way she smirked, the way the knife and the cleaver
Were chafed against each other. This bothers you, she asked.
A bolo was there among the soiled dishes.)
Now I see the grime
Filling the esteros, heading somewhere.
Shimmering ground
Mucks my eyes from the heat; and once more
The doorknob of the mind opens ajar on
A period rhymed with cataclysm.
Perennial and has passed unobserved. Cold winds
Left, and then a summer. I lay among the rubbish
Beside the wet market. Under the scorching sun,
Where my lips, like the season, blistered,
I scraped my Father’s name down to a deeper trash,
My hair greased black, an extension of the Pasig river.


2.

It was like any other street market. Stalls
Hang their meat and other innards. Papayas
Still attract flies. Fish fresh from death
Or seemed to be dead get caught the second time
In plastic nets. Getting awake from the sudden
blaring of horns,
I seemed to see scenes from Galilee, where jeepneys become
Fishing vessels trudging the sea of cements,
and uncoordinated
Music coupled with street-like oration blast
the ears of passengers.
And sometimes I ride it to give them a sermon,
But they always ignore me, the helm-master shouting
Profanities at my grace…Rubbish. Cans.
Flies. Styrofoam. Lies. And, and,
Clean faces, smiling, government faces,
On big boards in the sky, smirking.
The esteros fill with grime, leading nowhere.
I laugh at how strangers become familiar,
Going in and out of the market, plastic
In their hands, plastic in the garbage cans.
I wake to see them at dawn, trading plastic,
As if they go here to worship plastic, just before,
My stomach rumbles, then another vision.


3.

One of them bobbed in the Pasig river one night.
Got dumped from the bridge, tied in plastic rope,
His head covered with plastic sando bag, the radio said–
A messenger, (not one of my angels), a starwitness
Of some government scam, married,
and shining sleek gray-anew
Like an inflated balloon.
I used to get off from jeepneys there,
To look at the river, to see the sea of Galilee. Now the esteros
Fill with grime, leading anywhere. They found
His wife in a bank, claiming blood-money; maybe
She sold him for a fee, she’s only a housewife–
I lay among the rubbish.
Beside the wet market. The jeepneys stop blaring.
She struggled to get out of her store,
Approaching me, in her oily apron. All buoy upstream now.
–And then it dries, cakes, and the horizon forgot to quiver.


4.

I could not intend to smite her,
The pregnant owner of the eatery. But the ground,
Shimmering and passed unobserved,
mucks my eyes from the heat
And shudders like Mount Sinai. I cry to them my sermon:
Not all papayas attract flies! Sermons attract flies!
Why don’t you all give up your stores and stalls because
You can’t stop stomachs from wailing? Those plastic images
Where you put your blood-money and dried jasmines,
like my hair, at its feet–
Put me there, too, among the plastics;
Let me live. Not foul meat, not bone scraps,
Not leftover rice from the eatery. I did not
intend to smite her,
The pregnant owner of the eatery.
I spread the grime at my hair
As the papayas got crushed. Rubbish.
Flies. Lies.–I slashed at her inflated belly like a balloon,
With the bolo from the soiled dishes. She kept on smirking
As her innards and what seemed to be
a live fish splattered out.
So many soiled dishes, all those plates and forks,
And how those familiar strangers
go in and out of the market,
And we can’t even go out, come out,
with plastic in our hands,
Ignoring the profanities against my grace,
hurling street-like oration
In an uncoordinated music, howling, howling, in jeepneys
Trudging like fishing vessels in the cement sea,
While grime fills up Manila, the capital of the world.

i had to shorten the description in my YouTube channel as this write-up would have been too long.

here's the YouTube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPLdhlR2kd0

Saturday, January 07, 2012

2nd ink: The Amazon




this is my 2nd tattoo, done by artist RaKi Borromeo Ilumin. Fineline Tattoo is owned by Sir Butch Bautista @ SM Masinag (topmost floor) and they also have a branch at SM Taytay. the design is "The Amazon" or the heel character (or anti-hero if you see it that way) of the Pro Wrestling FamiCom game.

dapat nung birthday ko pa ito ipapalagay, kaso busy talaga nung mga araw na iyon kaya kaninang hapon lang ako nakapag-appointment. of course, it's no secret that i'm a pro wrestling geek hence the design - but more importantly, this symbolizes some of the adversities i encounter in work, in life (or yung mga kontrabida din, if you will). this is the dichotomy: Starman is the "babyface" or "face" character (good guy) who uses clean tactics, i.e., within the rules kung dumiskarte, while The Amazon is the "heel" (bad guy) or simply put, the rule-breaker, i.e, he puts the opponent in a headlock and stabs him in the forehead multiple times with a fork until he bleeds and/or bites him in the forehead a la Abdullah the Butcher (na siyempre hindi nakikita ng referee). parang sa buhay natin, kung tayo ang bida, siyempre kailangang may kontrabida - kasi ang kontrabida ang susubok kung hanggang saan ang kaya ng bida, kung hanggang saan ang lakas/kakayahan niya - para magkaroon ng ng conflict, ng resolution, ng balanse, ng synthesis. siyempre, natuwa din ako sa concept ng face/heel at saka ng dynamics ng "double turn" - and if you read carefully, i just gave you a clue kung ano ang susunod na design na ipapalagay ko.

Thursday, December 08, 2011

kalabit, kapa, kaskas

parang ang hirap mag-blog ngayon - pakiramdam ko pudpod ang diwa ko dahil sa trabaho.  dinadaan ko na lang muna sa gitara, kahit na halos wala namang nabubuo (hence the post's title).  pinost ko din ito sa YouTube channel ko (http://www.youtube.com/user/lambanogpusher).  ito ang ilan sa mga "sketches" ko sa ngayon - may ibang lumang ideas pero mayroon ding bago.  whether may patutunguhan sila, di ko pa alam, pero sana, oo.


this is a chord pattern i was tinkering around with on acoustic guitar, where the D string was missing. at first, i was just curious as to how it will sound, but ended up playing this for several takes.

 


this is an instrumental accompaniment to my friend alexander agena, jr.'s poem "the madsong of hesus" - a project that started way back in 2003 but up to now still hasn't been "recorded."




this is the third draft of purple kush, and it still has no definite structure. the D string is missing so it means i'm playing a 5-stringer.




this is just a doodle - the title says it all, really. and yes, the D string is still missing.


Friday, September 16, 2011

wala akong ideya sa pamagat ng isang 'to

11:20 pm na at isinusulat ko ito.  matagal na akong hindi nakakapagsulat ng mga kung-anuman sa buhay ko at ngayo'y susubukan kong magbahagi.  matagal na akong wala sa sirkulasyon ng mga kaibigan ko - masaklap mang isipin, pero sa online world lang ako nakakasagap ng mga balita tungkol sa sangkatauhan, i.e., tungkol sa inyo.  siguro, puro busy lang tayo sa mga buhay-buhay natin kaya ganun.  minsan, nakikita ko sa mga albums na may mga nagkikita-kita sa inyo at nakaka-labas-labas kayo minsan.  minsan naman, may nababasa akong mga threads at tumitingin na lang ako o nagla-like paminsan-minsan, pero kadalasan ay di na nagko-comment.

kanina, kinausap ako ng isa sa mga boss ko.  basically, it was a pep talk / pagbibigay ng project assignment dahil hindi daw ako nakakapag-multi-task lately - parang may pagka-sermon in disguise pero in fairness, may papuri din namang sinabi.  it's more of an effort to re-energize my career, i thought to myself.  naisip ko na lang na makinig mabuti at i-accept ang magandang intentions ng tagpong iyon.  on the one hand, kailangan kong hapitin at tapusin ang mahigit isang buwan ko nang binubunong project para maka-spend ng time sa darating na projects na magre-require na mag-fieldwork ako.  narinig ko ulit ang mga classic na litanya na sina ganito at ganyan, mabibilis sila kaya nakakahawak sila ng multiple projects, yadda, yadda, yadda - alam ko namang template na yung mga yun kaya hindi na ako nagulat.  at issue din kasi ang tardiness ko for the past several months, na na-perceive as pagkawalang-gana ko daw sa trabaho.  ako man, minsan hindi ko na rin maipaliwanag kung bakit ganun - nagpapagising na nga lang ako lately sa magulang ko para hindi ako ma-late kasi kapag hindi, ni hindi ko matatandaang tumunog ang alarm at lumipas na pala.  hindi ko alam kung may sleep disorder ba ako o ano.  sa malakas na katok sa pinto ako nagigising for the past couple of weeks.  sa weekends lang ako nakakapag-relax pero this weekend ay nag-uwi ako ng trabaho kasi feeling ko ay kakapusin ako sa lunes kapag hindi ako nag-extra effort.  minsan naiisip ko kung fair nga ba ang ganun, pero yung necessity na lang ang nangingibabaw eh - tipong tatapusin ko na lang muna yung trabaho at saka na lang mag-contemplate ng mga existential baggage at kung ano pang issues ko sa buhay.  sinabi nung boss ko na magaling daw akong magsulat, na organisado akong mag-isip, at pinaalala niya sa akin na sinabi na niya sa akin yun dati noong nag-present kami ng mga research papers namin sa Thailand - she was basically saying na marami pa naman akong kayang i-offer pero parang mukha akong burned out.  naisip ko bigla ang mga workdays na umuuwi ako na masakit ang ulo at gusto na lang kumain, mag-sepilyo, matulog at gumising para ulitin ang lahat ng iyon kinabukasan.  naiintindihan ko naman ang boss ko to a certain extent - iniisip ko na lang na habol lang naman niya na mapabuti at umunlad ako sa trabaho ko.  dapat daw kasi nag-i-initiate na ako ng mga bagay-bagay kasi mid-level manager na daw ako.  naisip ko tuloy na sa calling card lang naman yun, pamagat lang - mas kino-konsider ko kasi ang sarili ko as a worker rather than as a manager.  ewan, semantics lang naman yata yun sa bandang huli - at wag na nating pag-usapan ang sweldo at baka mag-MMK moment pa ako.  sa totoo lang, noong una ay hindi ko alam na makakatagal ako ng mahigit 10 years, pero siguro nakuha ko rin naman sa pagtitiyaga yun - and i say that with all humility.  inisip ko lang na siguro kapag nag-best effort naman ako ay may mararating din naman kahit papaano.  pagkatapos ng meeting naming iyon, nagpasalamat pa rin ako at binigyan ako ng opportunity - toxic man iyon, i think kakayanin ko naman siguro.  kakailanganin ko na namang patunayan ang sarili ko for the nth time - alam kong isa ito sa mga pinoy action movie cliches, pero parang doon lagi ang punta.  ewan ko ba.

pagbalik ko sa cubicle ko, inisip ko na kung paano didiskartehan ang take-home assignment ko at para makauwi na rin kaagad.  natapos lang akong mag-compile ng files na kailangan ko by 9:00 pm, at nakarating ako dito sa bahay ng mga 10:30 pm - i know, hindi ito ang uwi ng matinong tao galing sa opisina, pero minsan parang nakakabaliw at nakakasakal din ang ginagawa ko.  and i have been struggling with this nagging notion for years na kahit anong gawin ko sa propesyon, i probably wouldn't be adequate - palaging may hihingin at hihingin pa rin sa iyo, and it's all in the name of "doing more."  mahirap mag-struggle with the thought na "nothing is ever good enough" pero gusto ko din namang maniwala na may naiaambag ako sa organization namin - mahirapan man ako, i always guarantee that i'd give it my best shot.  yun nga lang, i feel that the rigors of the job is taking its toll on me.  siguro ang tanging motivation ko na lang para magpatuloy, para bumangon, ay yung mga mahal ko sa buhay: sina Nanay, Tatay, mga kapatid ko na may kanya-kanyang pamilya na, at yung makukulit kong pamangkin na sina Ally at Gelo.  iniisip ko na lang na sa bawat sakit ng ulo sa trabaho, maaari kong makamit ang mga sumusunod: 1) makakabili ako ng gamot at vitamins ng mga magulang ko, 2) pambayad sa DSL para makapag-internet/skype para makakwentuhan sina Michelle, Rommel at ma-update sa schooling/misadventures ni Gelo, 3) pang-playroom and/or pang-grocery ni Ally ng mga paborito niyang food o kaya maibili siya ng mga gamit sa pagdo-drawing, 4) makapanood ng wrestling or pelikula sa cable tuwing weekend.  sa totoo lang naman kasi, simple lang naman ang goal ko: to be able to live a good life - sapat lang, hindi kailangang maluho.  mga simpleng kaligayahan lang kumbaga, oks na.  sinasabi madalas ng mga kaibigan na "this too, shall pass."  pero paulit-ulit mang mag-pass, sana maging worth it lang.

hindi ko alam kung may sense ba ang mga pinagsasabi ko dito.  na-burn out yata ako sa huling mahabang entry na tinapos ko dito, pero hindi rin ako sigurado kung yun nga ang dahilan.  pero sana, kung sakaling mawala ako sa sirkulasyon, susubukan kong makibalita sa inyo through your posts and other what-have-you's.  whether i would be re-energized, i sincerely hope so.  kasi kapag namatay pa ang diwa ko, ewan ko na lang kung anong gagawin ko.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

a repost: galing kay Joyce

natuwa ako sa post ng pamangkin kong si Joyce sa Facebook, kaya ni-repost ko dito. ito siya:

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669966666699999999699999999669966669966699669966669966669966
669966666669999999999999996669966669966996666996669966669966
669966666666699999999999966666699996666996666996669966669966
669966666666666999999996666666669966666996666996669966669966
669966666666666669999666666666669966666699669966669966669966
669966666666666666996666666666669966666669999666666999999666
1.) press ctrl+f
2.) then type 6

♥

Monday, August 01, 2011

Nintendo Pro Wrestling Geekness




these are some posters i made using MS Paint, a.k.a. the poor man's photoshop. the idea was that if i'd book the characters in the game for title matches, then these would be the stipulations to my liking. i had wanted to upload the bitmap versions, but apparently multiply doesn't allow it, so i had to settle for these lower-quality jpeg versions. since it is impossible to book these matches (except for the 2 out of 3 falls match) in the actual game, i just decided to make posters - which is the next best thing.